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Robin Hood and Friar Tuck: Zombie Killers Review

Posted By Steven Dawes On November 4, 2009 @ 6:33 am In Fiction | 2 Comments

Available at DriveThruHorror.com

Robin Hood and Friar Tuck: Zombie Killers
A Canterbury Tale Told in Verse
Written by Paul A. Freeman
Review by Steven Dawes

    The other day in my email there was a new
    Offering of an eBook novel for me to review.
    “What’s this? A new tale of the great Robin Hood
    As a zombie killer?!” Now this should be good!
    Tis a different style of novel, for better or for worse
    For this Canterbury tale is told entirely in verse.

    I ask you to follow along with me if you would
    About this unique take on Friar Tuck and Robin Hood
    As they deal with a hoard of zombies and their maw’s
    Their horrible stench, their appetite and also their claws.

    At first I wondered what story this novel may reveal.
    A zombie outbreak on Saxon soil… really, what’s the deal?
    It seemed silly at first that Robin Hood’s latest plight
    Would be saving all of England from an evil zombie blight.
    In my head, the framework of my review was ready to concede
    That this strange angle on Robin Hood would be silly indeed.
    And yet as I read the novel, to my very surprise I could tell
    That this tale wasn’t a mockery… it was actually quite swell!

    The book beings with a monk spreading a dose of fear
    To a crowded tavern of many people supping on wine and beer.
    Between his swigs of the tavern’s free flowing ale
    A horrible story of undead monsters was the theme of his tale.
    It starts on familiar ground as King Richard was away
    Dealing with the Palestine’s and leading a spiritual fray.
    Back home his brother Price John, with an evil smirk
    Plotted the steal Richards’s kingdom, man what a jerk!
    To fund his alliances, the heart and soul he’d tax
    Out of the poor peasantry who all paid by the sacks
    Of coins and trinkets made of silver and gold
    That is, until one day came a man who was brave and bold.
    He stood up to all those oppressive Norman lords
    By using thievery, bows, arrows and swords.

    Yes, I’m referring to that great hero of good
    The prince of thieves himself; Robin of the Hood.
    But the change in the story begins with a familiar friar
    Who’s warned Robin and his merry men as he built himself a fire
    That a plague is spreading over the land and causing much strife
    As it brings those dead with the infection back to life!
    These fiends rise from the dead and then feed on the flesh
    Of those who were still living and therefore still tasted fresh.

    Robin was appalled to think of the English becoming a meal
    Of the undead as if they were a juicy steak or a cut of veal.
    Fortunately Friar Tuck has experience in dealing with the undead
    And explained the only way to kill them was to aim for the head.
    “You must sharpen your swords, and take up your mace
    To cut off their heads, or bash them in the face.”

    “The ultimate goal is to turn a zombie’s brains to jelly
    To stop that hellish creature from feeding its belly
    With the flesh and guts of those still living
    So take your weapons in hand and then start giving
    A merciful ending to those in undead guise
    To save the town of Nottingham from an untimely demise!”

    Throughout the story, other familiar heroes joined the band
    Like Little John and Maid Marion to give Robin a hand.
    With arrows, mace and sword upon the zombies they struck
    But most impressive to me was the combat prowess of Friar Tuck.
    His skill with a staff was fierce and with a loud “thunk”
    He caved in zombie brains like he was some warrior monk!
    I know now to never underestimate a stout and balding drunk
    Who wields a staff with such proficiency as this fighting monk!

    There’s lots more to the story, but these details I won’t tell
    So I encourage you to get a copy and then sit a spell
    And read word for word Paul A. Freeman’s worthy craft
    Whose eloquent and clever verses make mine all look daft.
    At the end of the story Paul’s got another treat in store for you
    For he added in some amusing pieces which he calls “Horrid Haiku”
    It’s a fun and easy read and only about eighty pages
    This masterpiece of verse and haiku is one for the ages!

    My review is finally over, so its time for me to pause
    And take a bow, as the minstrel of reviews named Steven Dawes.


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