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Bloodrayne DVD Review

Posted on January 19, 2006 by Flames

Bloodrayne the movie is an offshoot of the original console game. Upon seeing some of the trailers and hearing of the actors that were cast in this movie, it was a decision of mine and several friends to spend the $6.50 to see an afternoon showing of this movie. This was the worst $6.50 I spent this entire year.

As far as acting ability, this movie had copious amounts to work with. With Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez and Ben Kingsley as their headlining names, not to mention the talents of Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen and Matt Davis, you would think that they would be able to pull through a lack luster script. Not so. These actors looked as bad on screen as their fake wigs did. The roles given to them looked and felt foreign and they could not pull off a good scene to save their lives. Give them a bone or something. I sat in my seat thinking that this movie could end a lot of careers. This is definitely one to keep off of your resume.

One completely unnecessary scene contained the actor/singer Meat Loaf. Now, normally he is great in the slimy gross roles, but this scene made absolutely no sense in the broad spectrum of the movie. Not only was the filming very awkward, but the dialogue had no flow to it. It was like trying to read what 12 different monkeys banged out on a keyboard. When all hell breaks loose in Meat Loafs sanctuary, I actually expect to see a man running around in a corset and heels with an ax.

Costuming for the main characters was great. It truly captured the images of the characters, though in a different setting it wouldn’t have looked so awkward. Rayne walking around in tight leather and pants would have been burned at the stake in these times. As far as extra costuming, the same cannot be said. Many of the extras costumes were out of the time period, or looked like bed sheets tied onto their bodies. I know this movie was low budget, but I never expected a fraternity hazing party to take place in the background…

Fight scene choreography was sketchy at first. When Rayne first got her swords, it was hard to tell whether it was really bad fighting, or whether she wasn’t used to the swords. After her training scenes, it became apparent that it was the latter of the two. Either way, most of the fight scenes were really well done.

Of course this movie has ample screen time of both sexual nudity and girl on girl water fight sequences, both of which can make this movie rentable, but again, not worth the $6.50 that was paid. The sex scene would have been a lot better if Matt Davis hadn’t looked like a 70s porn star. He had a mullet! Not exactly my type of guy. Kristanna Loken looked stunning though, so it was obvious that scene was tailored to you, the male audience members.

Storyline wise, it was there. This movie was to be the prequel to the first game, giving you a lead in. In fact, what it does is steal the plot from the game and move it to a different setting. So if you’re expecting Nazi Germany, think again. This is 18th Century Romania, complete with traveling carnivals, which is where we find our heroine for the first time. Now, whether you find this a complete abandonment of plot, or creative liberty taken by the writing team is up to debate. Either way, neither time setting would have helped the story. The way this movie is filmed though gives the sensation of trying to watch 3 different movies at the same time, then writing a book report on them. The scenes never flowed, and in fact made me think that Uwe Boll was in fact drunk through the entire filming.

All in all, save your money. If you really want to see this movie, wait for it to come out on video, which I am sure you won’t have long to wait. Then wait for a friend to buy it. Watch it with a bunch of your friends while drinking.

Reviewer: Crystal Mazur

Available on Amazon.com:

Bloodrayne 2 (Playstation 2) * Bloodrayne 2 Official Stategy Guide

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